I’ve never done anything personal in my blog before, but over the weekend we had a sad event effect my wife and I, and I feel compelled to write about.
One of our cats, Jake, who was introduced to me by my wife and moved in about 7 years ago, and who she had had for close to 15 years had to be put to sleep. I’ve heard of other people having to put pets to sleep, and I have had two cats of my own for 13 years now, but never thought it would be this hard. Sure we had talked about it in the past as our cats were getting older, and Jake even began to turn gray and loose weight over the past few years showing signs of age, but we never actually thought in all deep seriousness about having to put any of our “family” to sleep. It was always understood that one day we would just find one of them curled up in their final sleeping place one morning.
Jake gave us a scare about a month ago when we let him outside, which he loved to do, chase lizards, eat grass, and then throw up on the patio or carpet that it seemed we had just cleaned. This one time he went out and never returned, and my wife was crushed. I was saddened too, but for whatever reason I held on to the hope that one day he would just come back. About 8 days later after we had more or less figured he might really be gone, I opened the back patio door out of habit from normally letting him out in the morning and now seeing if just by chance he was back, he actually was back and came running up to the screen. This was one of the happiest moments of my life to have who I had become close “buddies” with back. It was also one of the best sights to see the look on my wife’s face as I brought him inside and she woke up to stare at him. We had been given another chance, and all the times we just took it for granted that Jake would always be there were gone and he got special care. He was back with us at home. Even my cats seemed happy, and I made sure everyone received attention. You never know when they won’t be there anymore. Being an only child and having lost my parents a few years ago already, my wife and cats are all I have for close family left.
Jake was back with us, and seemed even more loving than before, maybe it’s because he received even more love than ever before, at least in the more recent past when he seemed to have become a bit of a pain having started to pee outside the litter box, ruining carpet, etc. But now that he was back, I just had to accept that this wasn’t going to change anymore and I’d rather deal with that for the next 5 yeas or so than not having him around at all. The affection he showed us far outweighed these flaws, and after him being gone those days, we knew it. He would sleep next to me in a pet bed we bought for him while I worked here in the office, and would follow me around, as long as Mommy, my wife, wasn’t home. When she came home, he would be with her, but he did seemed to split the time between us when we watched TV and would be half the night lying next to me and then the other half with her. In bed, he usually was wrapped around my wife’s head, which he has done since being a kitten, and it was very comforting knowing he was around and purring while everyone, including my cats, went to sleep.
But this past Saturday morning, he woke us slighly when he coughed up what we thought was just another hairball on the other side of the bedroom, so we really didn’t pay that much attention to it until he came to his spot on my wife’s pillow and ended up sneezing blood all over. He was bleeding from his nose and mouth and the entire bedroom was covered with blood from his vomit and the sneezing he was doing because of the blood pouring from his nose. We rushed him to our vet, and they quickly took him in. He had stopped bleeding by now, but they were running a series of tests to determine what might have happened. When they called us in, they started to tell us the bad news, how he had extremely high blood pressure, close to the level where his retinas could seperate, how his blood was thin, how it looked like he had once had a kidney stone and one kidney was now gone and the other was overworked at the moment, how his heart seemed to have an irregular shape, and the list just seemed to get longer. There were a barage of other tests they could have done, and emergency care he could go through which the costs started to add up just to try and find out more, without figuring in any sort of treatment, and even that the vet was doubtfull about. If they treated his heart and blood pressure, this would effect his one remaining kidney already not able to keep up, and if they treated that, it would effect his heart. The final outcome was very bleak, and rather than subjecting poor Jake to all of this we came to that hard decision that we had to put him to sleep.
I will never simply think of a pet as just a pet and when people tell me that they had to put their’s down simply brush it off. It is so true when they say that animals become more than just pets, they are family. You don’t really understand this until you actually have one for so long and who has been a loyal companion for many years. It was the hardest thing to take our Jake into the room where he was seeming so normal and ready to go home at this time. He showed no pain, and everything seemed like it did the night before with him the happy go lucky cat he always was. And here we had to lie him on the table and I had to hold on to him and let a stranger give him the lethal injection and feel his life just fade away in my hands and from his eyes. As he faded and he purred, like the trooper he always was, until the end when he was pronounced gone and his head rested in my palm. It seems crazy, but just a few years ago I was present when both of my parents passed away, and I held my Father’s hand as he left me and my Mom. This was just like it. The only difference here is in some way it almost felt like I was responsible, and it wasn’t natural. But both my wife and I said this was best for Jake, because his diagnoses was very grim and it seemed like it was going to be a very short time until his body would be failing him and he was start to suffer. At least this way he left us without that and was happy and purring with those that loved him.
To some of you reading this, if you have even gotten this far, you might be laughing “stupid people and their stupid pets” and “cat owners are lame” you can believe this. I know how you feel, because I used to feel the same way until I had my first cat. And the three cats we had up until this weekend when we had to loose 1/3 of our “children” have become such a part of our lives that it almost seems crazy how they can effect us as powerfully as loosing a human loved one. And I truly believe now that our cats can love us just as much back, if not even more. They forgive us, they hang out with us even if we’re not perfect, we can yell at them and 5 minutes later they come back showing us affection again and all is forgiven. They even converse with us in their own way. It isn’t an intellectual conversation about world politics, but more of a simple understanding that cuts through all the BS and you just know that they like you for who you are. Isn’t that really all that anybody really wants anyway?
We’re already talking about getting a kitten sometime in the future. Too quick to consider? Maybe, but the house just seems a little more empty without a full trio running around here. We can only hope that when we do this and whatever ktten we decide on, he might show a few characteristics that Jake did. Chances are he never will, for each pet has their own unique personality. Jake was like this. He was loved by all because he got along with all. Jake seemed to recognize the good in anyone he met, and liked them for it, and no one could hate Jake. He was definately a one of a kind that effected us and those that we have mentioned his loss too. Many tears have already been shed, and many more I’m sure still will be. And each drop just shows how much Jake meant to us and all those who knew him.
Take care Jake, wherever you are now. You will be missed, and always loved….
Visit my pics on MySpace if you’d like to see more of Jake.
